|
|
Dec. 28th, 2005 @ 10:20 am
|
|---|
|
Well, what have I not updated on.. Hrm.. First, Happy belated birthday, Jon. =) I haven't talked to you in a while, how have you been? Hrmm and JuJu's Birthday was a while back.. and Christmas was a few days ago. Alot has been going on recently. It's been crazy. I haven't been able to get on as much and I miss JuJu and stuff. Between work and Brian I am never home. Oh well.. I'm hoping that JuJu can sleep over soon. I guess I kinda realize how Kelsi felt before? Yeah, I don't know. I guess things are going alright in my life. Actually things are going pretty good. I just wish I could spend more time with JuJu and that's the only thing i can think of that's wrong right now.How ya feeling?:  contemplative My music, bitch.: Rent--One Song Glory |
|
|
Dec. 5th, 2005 @ 05:41 pm
|
|---|
|
How can someone with such happiness in their life feel so sad? Brian is so amazing.. and he makes me happy.. People haven't been reacting well to it, though. It's like no one cared until now. Now that it's too late. But I don't care. No one reads this, I know. So I guess ranting is something that I can efficiently do. So basically.. I love Brian. A lot. Jon, don't think that I'm some love sick puppy =P I know how much you hate that. But like, my parents were really scaring me before. I was scared that because of his age they wouldn't let me be with him. A 20 year old and a 16 year old is like WHOA unnatural to them. I guess it is kind of different but, like, I don't really notice that when I talk to him. He has the greatest personality and it seems like we were just.. supossed to meet each other. It's actually kind of weird.. some of the things I've found out.. But my parents are okay now after they found out.. and they want to meet him. It means the world to me. My heart is still racing from when he kissed me. The scene still plays in my mind when he grabbed my hands and held me close because I was cold. And I felt so comfortable.. Like nothing could happen to me. And here's a first. His mom likes me so far. SCORE. I've never had a mom like me before. And his mom seems so sweet. I can't wait for everyone to meet and such. |
|
My my my.... what have I gotten myself into? Well, I de believe I am going crazy. Like, literally. Lately I have been doing things that not even I can explain.. School yesterday was miserable.. All day I felt like crying.. and, well, by the time lunch came around I practically broke down.. I saw him hanging all over Hannah.. not even 2 days after it all happenned.. right in front of me.. And I started crying.. Like I couldn't even control it asnymore.. I saw him hug Hannah and Robin and I saw him so close to Hannah and it made me so mad.. and so sad.. Josh came up to me and did hsi usual stupidness but I mean he wasn't trying to mess with me or anything but I like.. blew up on him.. I was like.. DONT TOUCH ME LEAVE ME ALONE and I had tears in my eyes.. and I just stormed off.. I screamed it so loud everyone looked at me. And he was just like.. Dude.. I'm so sorry I didn't know.. I felt bad.. but I didn't even want to be touched at this point.. After lunch I went to biology class and I didn't even take my books out.. I left my school bag on my desk and I just laid my head down the whole period and cried.. and no one bothered me.. that's how I wanted it. I didn't even want to bring my instrument to band. So I didn't. And I cried the whole period there too. So that's like 2 hours straight.. Even I was askign myself.. what the fuck is wrong with me? I felt miserable all day.. and to see him flirt and laugh and act happy.. It hurt me.. I couldn't stop shaking all day.. And he was saying how bad he was hurt.. But he didn't show it at all.. And that made me feel like I was nothing. Probably because I am nothing.
And so I have lost 2 best friends in a matter of a month. Or so.. First Abe and now John. Could it get any worse? Now I'm just trying to act like it's not bothering me.. when inside I feel like I've been torn apart.
I did, however, have fun with JuJu and Kelsi at Halloween. My real friends.. I was a superhero but my costume was made out of duct tape. My cape said "Super Vagrant". I'm just that cool. We got a lot of candy and we went and sat on the porch and played Christmas music and sang really loud. It was fun. I miss nights like that. Where we could do the most meaningless shit and still have A LOT of fun.
Well, I don't know what to write. JuJu is pretty much the only person who reads these things anyway. And it's not like she doesn't know how I feel. I tell her everything anyway. So bump it.How ya feeling?:  crappy My music, bitch.: Jack's Mannequin! |
|
( Don't bother reading. )How ya feeling?:  infuriated My music, bitch.: Operation Ivy--Bad Town |
|
Alright, well, we were in Spanish class today.. and Gretchen said that she evacuated to Tenessee during hurricane Katrina and like.. she went to a church there and the pastor was giving a sermon about hurricane Katrina and at the end of it he said "let's pray for all the people in Mississippi and even for all the scum of the earth in New Orleans." He later found out that people from New Orleans were there and found out where they were staying and called and apologized. What really gets me is that they shouldn't have said that to begin with. I understand that there are a few people in New Orleans who aren't exactly the greatest people.. But you can go there and see that there are some awesome people in New Orleans. I am offended that someone could be so damned cliche'. Especially a man of the church. I guess this is one of the reasons why I am not fond of church. Most of the time they are being so narrow minded! If anything, that man is the scum of the earth... And I don't care what people say about this being "God's wrath on a sinful city". Go to New Orleans and you will see that not all of New Orleans is the way it is pictured as. I love this place.. And I can't wait until it gets back to normal... Fuck those who think that what happenned was a good thing. It affects us every fucking day.. STILL.
Another thing that I need to complain about.. I won't go into much detail..
Basically, I want to date him again.. I miss him.....
Fuck.
Hah.. me and Sarah were talking in science about how it's oh so funny how people can NEVER say that they love you until they realize that they should feel bad for you. Like, that happenned today. Someone in my class was talking to someone else and they were like yeah I saw those on Kayla they're so cute. And I told Sarah.. wow, there are too many Kayla's in this school. I always hear my name in the hallway and for a short second I feel like I have friends and then I see that they are talking to someone else. Wow, I hate myself. And the girl was like wow, Kayla, I love you. All sympathetic like. And I was like hrm... DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOU REALLY DID BACK WHEN WE WERE BEST FRIENDS????? OR HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT??? Then I said I was going to shoot someone and everyone took it as a threat.. That was actually kind of funny. It made people walk away from me.. I have that affect on people.
Did I mention that we got Voodoo tickets? Better than Ezra and the Neville Brothers are only playing in Memphis. What a bunch of sell outs. Don't even want to play for their own people. HIM too. Everyone can go fuck theirselves.
Should be fun I guess. I'll have to see how THIS works out.. I don't think I would have payed for the tickets to be honest.. They were free. I guess they realize no one will be going so they are just like yeah take the tickets.. Mmhmm.. I get to see Nine Inch Nails, though.. Few other people..
Well, I don't know what else to rant about. I'm sure something will come to me eventually. Not like anyone actually reads this shit. So whatever.How ya feeling?: crushed My music, bitch.: The Early November--All We Ever Needed |
| » Horray for almost being another year closer to death. |
|---|
I'm not getting a Birthday present this year. Yey.
I swear, what's so "sweet" about turning 16 anyway? Fuck that, just like any other day..
So does anyone actually remember when the actual day is? I didn't think so.
Oct. 21st, 2005 @ 05:01 pm
|
| » A few words.. |
|---|
I am bored.. and I am in school.. So I guess I'll update this thing for once. Still no internet at our house.. Completely sucks but what can I do? Apparantly nothing. So oh well. A lot of shit has been going on.. Some good, some not so good. But I'll survive. I have thus far, have I not?
Alright Abe, so you think you can talk but not get a response? I wouldn't give you the satisfaction of leaving a comment on your journal. Instead I'll make it public.
I am shocked at how heartless you have proved yourself to be and not only that, but I am ashamed of myself that I didn't see it before. You have a problem, obviously, don't blame it on us. "It's their hurricane to cry over". I would never say anything that cruel about you, no matter how much I disliked you at the time. Do you think you are too hardcore for your friends that were there for you through everything? Who made you who you are? All for a bunch of new people who don't even know you. I guess the past means nothing to you. Well, okay. You'll realize eventually what you've done and then you'll come crawling back. But you know what? It's not going to work. You have gone too far this time and you have touched upon a place that has affected us like nothing else.. How very insensitive of you. I can't even express how dissapointed I am to admit that one of my (former) best friends can even think to act this way. I'm not usre if I want to speak to you again. And I am not going to crave attention like you have done and ask you to respond to this. Actually, I would rather you didn't. You keep to yourself and I will keep to myself. I can actually do that, you see. I have actually proved to be a stronger person. Something you wouldn't understand. This stunt hasn't gained you any respect from me or anyone else. It's made me develop feelings for you that I had never experienced before. Not just disbelief, but anger, the beginning signs of hate. For you wouldn't understand half of what me and my friends have gone through in the past 2 months. It's so easy for you to just blow it off and act as if it was nothing. You didn't care while it happenned and you didn't admit to not caring until after. This is your problem. We don't need you if you are going to be this way. That's no friend that I would like to have.
Oct. 14th, 2005 @ 08:15 am
|
| » (No Subject) |
|---|
Shit fuck.
Sep. 26th, 2005 @ 10:28 am
|
| » I want to go back in time.... |
|---|
Up from the ashes and over the hill,
we knew more then than we ever will,
back when the days passed by so slow,
and now we'll never know.
Our sense of tomorrow was far away,
and our dreams they will never fade,
we never thought the good times would end.
Can we go back to those days,
when everything was simple then,
and nothin could ever change.
Can we go back to those days,
we didn't ever care at all,
I wish I could remain.
Back in yesterdays.
Up from the shadows of our days gone by,
it seemed likes scenes from a different life,
we didn't notice as the days went past,
we knew it couldn't last.
And looking back I wouldn't change a thing,
the memories shared will always stay with me,
we never thought the good times would end.
Can we go back to those days,
when everything was simple then,
and nothin could ever change.
Can we go back to those days,
we didn't ever care at all,
I wish I could remain.
Back in yesterdays.
Can we go back to those days,
when everything was simple then,
and nothin could ever change.
Can we go back to those days,
we didn't ever care at all,
I wish I could remain.
Back in yesterdays......
Sep. 6th, 2005 @ 05:14 pm
|
| » Man, whatever... |
|---|
I hate everything right now. My family is slowly deteriorating.. All of my friends are leaving.. Life has turned to shit in a matter of days. I know that no one reads these things but you know what? Fuck it. I am going to rant..
First off, this mother fucking hurricane has ruined my life. Not only can I not go back to my home, but it has caused so many people out of the area.. I don't know when I will see a familiar face again. My dog keeps running away and I think that one day he'll just go away for good.
To be honest, I think he has the right idea.
K, so, Zack has already walked out once, my dad has walked out once, I think it's my turn. I think it's my turn to leave for good because this just isn't cutting it. My life is miserable. I'm not allowed into my home, there are threats of me having to start a new school (yes, I consider this a threat) and pretty much everyone else has gone away. JuJu is going to Texas and I didn't even get to see her before she leaves. Who knows when we will see each other again. My best friend.. my other half.. the one who has practically been joined at my hip for the longest time. And who knows when I will see her again. There's damage to my house, so I can't even take refuge there. Not like anyne is allowed in the city anyway. My mom is talking about sending me to school in, like, Hahnville. I am not going to start a new school. Not like I could anyway. My lacking of social skills enables me to do so. I won't make any friends.. and that will be the most loneliest time of my life.. Not like I don't feel lonely here..
Why.Do.I.Feel.So.Lonely.
I never thought things could get this bad.. And what really bothers me is that there are people who have it worse. I mean, what the fuck?! How do they manage? I don't know how much more of this I can take.. I really don't.. It's all slowly killing me. Why not end the pain here? I have nothing left anyway.
Man, I could go for a JuJu hug right now.
I miss her so much... I miss everyone so much...
To know that ONE person cares who I wouldn't expect to care would mean the world. But I know that that is wishful thinking.
It's impossible to heal....
Go ahead and understand me PLEASE....
Sep. 5th, 2005 @ 09:50 am
|
| » K so I think Jon has my livejournal. |
|---|
Listen the fuck up, Jon, if you see this. LEAVE ME ALONE! I am sick of being fucking stalked and harassed. I am sick of getting online and getting 3520875892572180951 ims asking me to give blowjobs. You pussy foot around this and instead of handling it yourself you send other people to IM me and email me. Stop being a fucking pussy and talk to me yourself. I have quite a few words for you. Let go of the past, it's been 3 years of this shit and I am about ready to fucking kill someone. If this goes on for much longer I will call the fucking cops or something because I am tired of this. With all the bullshit laws around here there has to be something against this. I'll get your fucking IP and you'll be sorry. Stop being an ignorant little fuck. You're all talk. Oh, you can "hack" into my computer blah blah but do you remember that time? The time you told me you really COULDN'T and you only told people that to scare them?? Fucking idiot. If you even had a little sense you could remember that. Take this as a warning you little prick.
Aug. 20th, 2005 @ 07:19 pm
|
| » Just gonna sit here and wait for something good to happen. |
|---|
K so um.. an update, yes. I'm not exactly sure what to write about. Um.. school starts Monday. I'm not really looking forward to it now. Before I thoguht I was but now, blah. I'd kinda rather not see people. And I rather enjoy being home and being by myself. I have grown quite fond of it. I really only enjoyed the company of JuJu, who I saw a lot. I didn't really see too many other people, though I would have liked to. Maybe spending some of this time alone did me some good. But that will only make going back to school that much harder. Suddenly being surrounded by people that I'm not exactly fond of. I mean sure, i'll be happy to see Brad and hopefully Mark will go to EJ and I am anxious to see if Matt will actually talk to me when hes not surrounded by people close to him. But I wonder if it'll all be worth it. I mean, I will have to see John. I'm not exactly looking forward to that not because of him exactly but more because of the awkwardness that's been around since we kinda broke up. Ruined a perfectly good friendship. I don't know why I date people who are just really good friends to me. It always ends up ruined but I never learn. Oh well, what can I do? I suppose I can do nothing. But anyway. Yeah, I still have 2 books left to read for summer reading. Oh, joy. I don't even have the books yet. Starting this year off really good. And it hasn't even begun yet. Oh, how I can't wait. Blah. School is gay. I'm hoping this year will be better. But who knows.
Aug. 15th, 2005 @ 03:49 pm
|
| » Uh huh |
|---|
Well, since no one reads these things anymore because everyone has moved on to myspace I can bitch and complain all I want. To make it short and sweet, I am not pleased with where my life is right now. I thought I was the happiest person on earth. I thought for a while that it would stay that way and nothing could ruin my mood. But htings happen, naturally. Shit always happens just as things get better. I am not happy anymore. I don't like the situation I am in, the way I feel, and I am not pleased with those who "care" oh so much about me. Before I hear shit from everyone, I do not mean you people. It's just other people.. I was looking forward to school for once, I actually was and now I dread it. I don't want to go there or anywhere else. I seriously find it difficult to go places. I worry myself to the point where I am sick. I have a problem. I realize this. I would like to talk to someone about it.. Someone that I don't know, someone that I know won't care, but someone who can still help. I can't live this way much longer, especially with school coming up. I'll eventually have to leave the house and theres only so many excuses I can have.
Aug. 1st, 2005 @ 03:38 pm
|
| » No matter how fun things get, there's always that nagging thought in the back of my mind... |
|---|
Alright well, update. Haven't done that in a while. Not like anyone reads this shit anyway. I'll just talk about my day. I went to the aquarium with JuJu and my mom and dad. That was fun although I was so tired.. I was up pretty late.. and I almost fell asleep in the Imax. After that I was just about dead. We went to Cafe Fresca and yeah. Stuff. JuJu went home and my parents and I went to Wal Mart. I wanted to get a CD but my parents said no. I kinda knew the answer before I asked. I don't normally ask them for stuff. They always say no. But at the moment I don't have much of an income. They seemed to be in a good mood so I figured I'd try. Of course they said no. My mom did her infamous "I'll bring you next week". Like a week makes much difference. she's promised me so much for "next week" and next week never came. Oh well. I normally don't buy CDs but I don't get many CDs. I usually download stuff. But with my computer the way it is right now it's been rather impossible to download stuff without it saying I have low disc space. I need to clear some shit out and then I'll try and get some new music. I'm just tired of the same old crap that's all.. One CD and they can't even get me that. Blah I give up. I can't wait until October and then i can finally get a job and not even have to worry. Zack's so lucky.. You'd think that now that they only have to pay for extra stuff for one kid they might get me a little more but nooo of course not. I guess I shouldn't complain.. My mom has actually done quite a bit more for me thi week than she normally does. Taking us places and stuff. It was fun. But I can't help but feel downright depressed. It's going on 7 days that I haven't talked to John. Our one month anniversary thinger is in 2 days and I don't even know if I'll talk to him. It's not like he'd remember the day.. I don't exactly expect him too.. I don't feel very important to him right now. But.. oh well. There's nothing I can do but wait. Yeah, I'll wait...
Jul. 22nd, 2005 @ 08:40 pm
|
| » Save the hair. |
|---|
Alright so Zack says he wants to shave all his hair off. Me and JuJu were contemplating this. We were wondering how that would look exactly. So JuJu, with her crazy paint skills, did this picture. And it kinda makes you wonder.. How did his head get so small? Was it indeed the hair? Without it what will he become? Something found only in a freak show? Perhaps. So sign a petition. A petition to try and stop this madness. This is the Save Zack's Hair Petition. Afterall, would you want this to happen to you? I think not. SO SAVE HIM! And leave a comment to sign the petition. Thank you for your time.
Before
After
Look at the hand motions.. he's telling you.. I'MA CHOP IT OFF! I'MA CHOP IT OFF! SNIP SNIP MUTHA FUCKA!
No Zack, it's not worth it..
Jul. 15th, 2005 @ 04:37 pm
|
| » Yey for boredom! |
|---|
fishylovestoswim: once upon a time..
fishylovestoswim: in the land where no one dared to go..
fishylovestoswim: there was a tree
fishylovestoswim: well this was not ordinary tree..
fishylovestoswim: it grew stuff
fishylovestoswim: then one day this girl..
fishylovestoswim: we will call her bonshawnatoe
fishylovestoswim: she went to the tree
fishylovestoswim: and asked for a life
fishylovestoswim: welshe never got one
fishylovestoswim: but then bon jovis head grew as a leaf
fishylovestoswim: and he started singing shot through the heart and youre to blame
fishylovestoswim: and then he shot her..
fishylovestoswim: the end
Jul. 14th, 2005 @ 09:51 pm
|
| » Yep. Starting anew. |
|---|
Alright well, this is my new journal, obviously. Those of you who happen to stumble across it, good for you. Not really too much to update on. I did go to the mall with a few people yesterday. Hmm John picked me up and then we picked up Aaron and Matt and Tricia. We went to the mall and such. It was fun. John makes me happy =) Hehe.. I thought we'd get kicked out of the mall because they were playing hacky sack first off.. and then they were like hmm let's play hacky sack on both floors so John went downstairs and kicked the hacky sack to the second story where Matt and Aaron were and yeah eventually the cop told them to stop. And then they were playing in this thinger and throwing it really hard against the walls and making a lot of noise and then John jumped over this bench thing and moved it like halfway across the thinger and it made a huge noise and stuff. Yeah, crazy. I met up with JuJu and Kelsi there. They went shopping and whatnot a lot of the time though. JuJu got lucky because of a bean. And yeah, stuff. Haha, go JuJu! Erm then we went to help Kelsi find more clothes and her mom came and picked us up with Kelsi's Aunt Joy and cousin Lindsey. Then we went to some cafe place and then to Kelsi's grandma's house where there was lots of dancing going on. That was crazy in an awesome way. I wish I had an aunt like that, haha. But anyways, yesh. I'm not exactly sure what to write so yeah. Whatever. I'll write later.
Jul. 13th, 2005 @ 06:24 pm
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=88.8){kind=small}
retake_rudegirl's journal